On my spiritual journey I began trying to ‘attain’ a level of awakening, or attempting to ‘arrive’ at a specific destination, but I’ve come to learn that my ego was driving that mission. We never ‘arrive’ through the desire to attain. Instead we break the ego construct to become conscious by simply seeking.
My old egoic construct, that was fuelled by desire, consumption and comfort, was only being replaced by a new desire for spiritual growth and awakening. What a realization that was. I had to be humbled by the process. The vast, all consuming programming that had been ingrained in my being, would not be reprogrammed through the same methods of desire.
But who am I without my attachments, my identifications, my disorders, my desires, my talents or my comfortability? As Daniel Schmidt explains in the ‘Samadhi’ exploration, “when we are identified with our character, our ‘persona’, this is ‘Maya’, the illusion of Self, Samadhi is awakening from the dream of your character in the play of life.”
If I don’t have a mask, nor a role to play, what is left? Without constructs to define my reality, I began to be overwhelmed with fear of the unknown but also wonder and awe of the infinite possibilities.
Ram Dass explains, “We can talk about true freedom, the real freedom that is possible on the journey. It’s the freedom from limited view, the freedom from limited sensation, the freedom from standing anywhere, the freedom from holding onto any models. We become equanimous, imperturbable. We can let go of the separate self and just BE with everything.”