“Too alarming now to talk about. Take your pictures down and shake it out. Truth or consequence, say it aloud. Use that evidence, race it around.
There goes my hero. Watch him as he goes. There goes my hero. He's ordinary” -The Foo Fighters
When we lose our Hero, it can shatter our reality into a million pieces because so much of what, and who we believe in falls away. But when the Hero stumbles, as humans always inevitably do, they become the villain and the monster as a new story is written. A story that tries to make sense of a broken reality. The Hero’s old story line is wiped out to be replaced with one in which they were always just the villain in disguise.
It sounds tragic. And it is. But this is just our human drama repeating itself over and over. The hero-villain-victim triangle is nothing more than the rescuer-persecutor-victim drama triangle, but with much higher stakes and deeper unhealed childhood wounds at work.
The hero persona is so often just overcompensation for feelings of not being enough or not being worthy of love. It is an immature psychological response to unhealed childhood wounds that have the same energy, yet a different manifestation, than the addicted homeless souls. It is the response to feelings of inferiority through overcompensation versus capitulation.
But the hero can only exist if there is a victim and villain, and often the hero needs to create these to play their part. The triangle needs to have all three sides in order to exist. This is an unconscious process that is happening outside of conscious awareness. The hero’s ultra-competitive, over-achieving, people pleasing, controlling nature leaves behind a wake of minimization, devaluation, subjugation, and resentment. And the hero usually has no clue.
I know this because that was me. I spent my life trying to be the hero without realizing the impact it was having on the people around me. I was an egomaniac with an inferiority complex that left a wake of emotional destruction behind me that hurt my friends and my co-workers, but mostly my family. To all of you that I have hurt, I am sorry.
Like all “heroes” I eventually stumbled, and by Grace, I was given the gift of clarity to see how I was hurting everyone around me. It all stemmed from this personality structure I developed to compensate for my OWN unacknowledged fears and limiting beliefs. But like the model suggests, I had to become the villain to earn that gift of clarity.
The blessing comes if we can learn and accept humility by acknowledging our own fears and limiting beliefs. Through this process we can hopefully transcend the hero-victim-villain triangle and begin trudging a road of happy destiny of healthy co-creative relationships.