There I was boarding the plane to Italy. I felt the hesitation and nervousness creep in…it was fear. Past memories flooded my mind. And the uncertainty of repeating these experiences sober caused immediate fear. What would it be like sober? Will it even be fun? My mind was attempting to pull me back into safety…”Do you even want to go?” “Maybe you should just stay home". I knew that was my insanity speaking so I ignored it and focused on the present. I pulled myself back to a grounded position and thought of my immense gratitude. That was the beginning of my adventure, and what happened next was an unexpected gift.
Things I've learned…
Traveling can be a stressful experience at times. There are many moving pieces in which we have limited control over. Whether it be a delayed flight, missing a train, making numerous decisions, dealing with your travel companions' moods or so on. I am sure we can all recall a time where we were placed in an undesirable and frustrating position while traveling. This is where I experienced my recovery and healing reveal its self…instead of those frustrating moments being the catalyst for a ruined day or grumpy moods, it became: “I guess the Universe has a different adventure in store for us”. There was instant acceptance for what was out of our control and faith that it will all work out. I did not realize the tremendous impact this had on my experience traveling. There were no “bad or off” days, because we all had a common belief and understanding of these principles: acceptance, faith and that we were not in control. The alignment of our group consciousness kept our energy and moods lifted and what was left was pure joy, happiness and love. We were able to be fully present in the moment.
Learning how to accept what is and have faith in the unknown of the future made room for a new freedom and silliness to emerge. When was the last time you belly laughed? The contagious, ‘nothing else matters other than this moment’ type of laughter? Well for me, I had never experienced so much laughter, silliness and fun than I did on this trip. My previous fears and hesitations quickly dissipated as I was overcome with joy and happiness. This is the gift I received from recovery. This was the reminder I needed that though recovery can have its trials and tribulations, it gives me the ability to truly LIVE life. I am no longer held hostage by the events and actions that are out of my control. The ones that had the power to whip me into a downward spiral and become completely blinded by the beauty in front of me. Now, I can see the beauty and honestly, it is even more breathtaking than I could have imagined. And more than the beauty of life, it is the ability to feel the freedom of laughter, to feel the joy of experiences and to be present in the moment.
My heart and soul feel full…as I have now witnessed life through a new lens, one of clarity, gratitude and presence.