It seems the catalyst to many spiritual awakenings is pain, suffering and despair. The dark night of the soul event, where our will power or persona (identity) could no longer withstand the discomfort of our existence and we are left in confusion or helplessness. It is my experience that these periods of darkness and despair are actually monumental gifts that are disguised.
As Mooji explains, “If we have a strong conviction in personhood, then the attraction to come into the unchanging being is not so easy. This is why sometimes suffering and pain exhilarate your receding back into a place of stillness.” When we operate from our attached identity, we are constantly looking outward in the world. We expend energy outward through passion, creativity and drive but do not have the space or awareness to realize our internal state of being is creating our external reality. So this cycle continues.
For me, it was a constant cycle of looking externally to fill the void, followed by goals, distractions and ultimately disappointment. My lack of self-awareness meant I did not know what was driving my need for validation, my search for purpose or desire for internal peace and serenity. This continued until I could no longer bear, what felt like, the meaninglessness of my life. I recognize now that it was my internal being or consciousness that was attempting to disrupt my life so I would turn inward. To begin the journey. Without that disruption, would I be where I am today? I am not sure. But I am grateful for the path of pain and suffering the universe brought me, because with that, it gave me the gift of stillness.
“The sense of 'I-am’ or beingness is not a person. If it is a person, it is the divine person, it is the beingness. It is the sense of being. As you keep being aware of the world without logging into it, the fullness of your ‘I-am’ returns and is grounded. It is a place of pure joy and peace and stillness and love. Your real journey begins within. And with this ‘within-ness’, you begin to discover the capacity to observe with detachment.” - Mooji