Updated: Mar 30, 2022
In my dark night of the Soul, I was convinced I was facing annihilation. That was my reality.
Like a trapped animal, my instincts were driven from fear and based on survival. I acted with mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical violence. Engulfed in a mental terror and a confusion like I had never experienced before. I tore my life down around me in a panicked attempt to survive.
I was not wrong. I was facing the annihilation of everything I thought I was. My identity was dissolving around me, but I had yet to understand that this death was to make room for something else that was trying to emerge.
The threat was not from outside of me. There was never a battle with anything outside of myself. The war was from within. It was the Self awakening, and it was simply time to let go of the external identity that thought was me.
But that identity (ego) was all I knew. I wasn’t “spiritual”. I had not yet grasped that there was more to me then the personality and reactive patterns of behaviour that my history had imprinted on me. The Self awakening felt like a demonic possession that had to be exorcised.
The battle was me against Me. It’s always you against You. The world around us is just a mirror and we are the reflection. The ego death is just the killing of the illusion that we are separate. The rise of the Self is acceptance of our Wholeness.
It is understanding we don’t move through space and time. Time and space move through us.