What do you think of when you hear the word surrender? For me, I was ignorant to its meaning and purpose. After grappling with years of trauma, addiction, suicidal thoughts and torment, I was told that the only way to escape the pain was to surrender. Surrender to what I asked? Doesn’t this mean I am giving up power and control, thus becoming weak? How could “giving up and surrendering” translate to peace and healing?
My ego and self-will were preventing me from surrendering. That is, until someone said to me, “your thinking and self-will landed you in this exact moment, maybe it isn’t working”. Once the initial sting to my ego subsided, I realized they were right. My desire to rely on my self-will had caused immeasurable pain and suffering. And even when my self-will resulted in something I thought I wanted, I was still left with a void inside me. This realization began my journey to surrender.
Through meditation and self-reflection I began the process of letting go. It was a difficult, unnerving process - admitting I had no control over outcomes. But as I continued, I saw miraculous moments appear in my life. If I had expectations or a desired outcome, I would let go and sure enough, an even better outcome would emerge. These occurrences deepened my faith in surrendering. I truly felt serenity and peace for the first time in my life.
The scary unknowns of the future became exciting. The daily anger or frustrations became love and acceptance. The darkness and regret of my past became forgiveness and gratitude.
This is the greatest gift I have ever received.
“Surrender is a deeply misunderstood as an act of weakness. Surrender is the bravest and most lucid thing a human ever does, and that is why it is so precious to the Divine.” - Andrew Harvey